In Her Own Words: Colleen Christensen Parkinson's Story (Part 1 of 5)

Colleen Christensen Parkinson is an ex-Mormon who grew up in Brigham City, Utah and now resides in Hyrum, Utah. This is her story:

I think the thing that surprised me the most by the story I read on Wildflowers (ex-wives of gay Mormons) is that there are still women marrying gays in the Mormon church -- let alone in the world -- when things are so much more open now. When my story started, I thought all gays lived in San Francisco and that they were a limited bunch. I had even had a heated debate with a Catholic friend of mine about gays a few years before I started dating my future husband.

I had been in a singles ward for several years. I had been presented several opportunities to marry to men outside the church, but I wanted the "for time and all eternity" marriage. I wanted to be assured that I would never be alone, that I would never lose the man I loved, and so I held out for that "dream."

I was giving up on that singles ward when in early June of 1982 I had a dream about someone that I would meet in my ward. A month later, I had another dream that that person who would be my husband would be at church the next day. The dream was so vivid that I waited in the foyer watching each person come in. I finally went into opening exercises late and sat down by a friend on the back row. Within minutes, another friend of mine came in with someone new and they sat down right next to me -- with the new person sitting RIGHT next to me. It was crowded on the bench, so it was rather obvious that he was the one. I was never one to pursue guys or flirt, but this was the one I had dreamed about and so I made an effort to get to know him, and it wasn't long before we were friends and then began dating.

After seven months of dating, I was confused about where things were going, so I confronted this guy as to how serious he was about our relationship, and it was then that he told me that he was gay. I remember staring out the window of his apartment and thinking, "I'm not my mother's little girl anymore."