Hokay. Mormon theology is ubercomplicated. You've got Kolob, Kokaubeam, Moon Quakers and Three Nephites (immortal dudes who find lost car keys and such), Adam-God, varied versions of The First Vision, the Garden of Eden is in Missouri, I mean, it's a lot to keep straight and digest. So, we're just going to deal with Mormon Heaven.
There are three levels to Mormon Heaven: The Celestial Kingdom, The Terestrial Kingdom and The Telestial Kingdom. The Celestial Kingdom (CK), is where you wanna go, because that's where you get to be a god of your own very planet with many wives (if you're a dude), where you'll have a perfect human body and have sex all the goddamned time. I mean, like forever.
You have to have forever sex because you'll be creating spirit children who will then populate your own planet, separate from the one you're living on, and the people on your planet will then have sex to give physical bodies to your spirit children. Got it? Good.
So the whole point behind Mormonism is to get past Go and have your own planet with your own harem so you can have sex with your flesh-and-blood body and have your wives pump out those spirit kiddos.
In order to get to the CK, you must be temple married on Earth and a worthy member of the church. To be a worthy member of the church you must pay 10% of your gross income (some say net, but most members pays on their gross as added insurance -- unemployment and government assistance are subject to tithing), you can't masturbate, you have to wear your garments, do temple work, and probably a lot of other things I haven't mentioned. But above and beyond all, you have to be a temple-wed hetero breeder.
Don't want to get hetero married? Kiss godhood goodbye. Don't want to have children? Kiss godhood goodbye. Not tithing properly or doing temple work? Kiss godhood goodbye.
No pressure, just conform and all will be well.
9 comments:
The thing about moon-people never was a doctrine of the LDS Church to begin with. More like Joseph Smith speculating around the campfire one night.
Adam-God never was accepted in the Church even when Brigham Young was speculating about it, and hasn't really been mentioned ever since.
Mormon scripture leaves open both men and women having more than one spouse in the hereafter.
We do not know the specifics of human relationships in the hereafter, and we certainly don't know how spirit children are created. It could be a Vulcan mind-meld sort of thing for all we know.
We don't just "get a planet" but inherit everything God has.
As to whether there is sex in heaven, beats the hell out of me.
Carry on.
Thanks, Seth!
I think Brigham Young came up with the six-foot-tall people dressed like Quakers living on the moon thing. He also speculated that people lived on the sun.
The Adam-God issue brings up the question as to how a Prophet, Seer and Revelator could possibly be wrong about church doctrine. When is he speaking as a man, and when is he speaking as a Prophet?
Do you know Lorenzo Snow's couplet: "As man now is, God once was; as God now is, man may be?" Yes, there is sex in the CK. Have you been through the temple yet?
Respectfully yours (no snark),
Beth
Yeah, I've been through the temple dozens of times.
No sex mentioned.
Just curious -- I've never been, and I never will be.
I should also note that I have a rather unconventional read on the scriptures when I say that there is a theological possibility of both men and women having more than one spouse.
Most active Mormons will tell you it's just for the men.
My basis for my views is some ambiguous wording in the Doctrine and Covenants section on plural marriage, the fact that women who are deceased can currently be sealed to more than one man, and my own sense of fairness. I feel like my church will come around on this issue eventually.
But those are just my views.
True -- and IIRC, Joseph Smith, Jr. married women who were already married and, presumably, sealed to other men, but I don't know if he was sealed to those women as well. Was it for time alone or for time and eternity? I guess if you look into the genealogy database, you could see if they were sealed.
I also know of people who have requested that their sealings be nullified (canceled?), and there are men sealed to more than one woman (due to divorce from and death of a spouse). I wouldn't be surprised if the same were true of women being sealed to more than one man, but the situation becomes problematic as it is the man who calls the woman from the grave and brings her through the veil. It's my understanding that husbands are told not to divulge their temple names to their wives, but women are directed to do so so that their husbands may resurrect them.
I find "the principle" very interesting. Have you seen the John Dehlin (sp?) YouTube videos where he interviews mainstream Mormons who practice the principle?
If you'd like the link, I'll see if I can dig it up.
I don't know of any particular evidence of the women being sealed to their first husbands. But I haven't read Todd Compton's book yet, and he's the usual go-to source for this kind of information.
And while it is true that deceased women can be sealed to more than one husband, I have to admit it's not yet proof of a trend. For instance, you could say that such women are only being sealed to multiple husbands because those doing the genealogy work do not feel comfortable picking one spouse over the other for the deceased female (a sensible position, as far as it goes).
So I can't say this practice is really proof of polyandry being accepted Mormon theology. However, it seems to me that the foot is in the door, so to speak.
I have heard of John Dehlin from various people. Some positive, some negative.
I haven't read his stuff myself, so I can't say I have an opinion on him.
I was mistaken when I wrote that I watched a series of interviews with a mainstream LDS polygamist; I saw a series of interviews with Anne Wilde, a fundamentalist LDS polygamist. It's a fascinating series of interviews, and Dehlin is silent, for the most part. It's Anne Wilde's rundown of the history of polygamy in the church and about living the practice. She's a fascinating woman. If you'd like to hear her story, it can be found here.
Thanks for the link.
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