Hokay. Mormon theology is ubercomplicated. You've got Kolob, Kokaubeam, Moon Quakers and Three Nephites (immortal dudes who find lost car keys and such), Adam-God, varied versions of The First Vision, the Garden of Eden is in Missouri, I mean, it's a lot to keep straight and digest. So, we're just going to deal with Mormon Heaven.
There are three levels to Mormon Heaven: The Celestial Kingdom, The Terestrial Kingdom and The Telestial Kingdom. The Celestial Kingdom (CK), is where you wanna go, because that's where you get to be a god of your own very planet with many wives (if you're a dude), where you'll have a perfect human body and have sex all the goddamned time. I mean, like forever.
You have to have forever sex because you'll be creating spirit children who will then populate your own planet, separate from the one you're living on, and the people on your planet will then have sex to give physical bodies to your spirit children. Got it? Good.
So the whole point behind Mormonism is to get past Go and have your own planet with your own harem so you can have sex with your flesh-and-blood body and have your wives pump out those spirit kiddos.
In order to get to the CK, you must be temple married on Earth and a worthy member of the church. To be a worthy member of the church you must pay 10% of your gross income (some say net, but most members pays on their gross as added insurance -- unemployment and government assistance are subject to tithing), you can't masturbate, you have to wear your garments, do temple work, and probably a lot of other things I haven't mentioned. But above and beyond all, you have to be a temple-wed hetero breeder.
Don't want to get hetero married? Kiss godhood goodbye. Don't want to have children? Kiss godhood goodbye. Not tithing properly or doing temple work? Kiss godhood goodbye.
No pressure, just conform and all will be well.
