Part 3/4: Rewriting that DULL AS DIRT Temple Script.

And flattopSF went forth and lived in this garden known as the Real World, wherein were placed all manner of fruits, flowers, and vegetation. Of every tree of the garden flattopSF freely ate.

And of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, flattopSF did taste of some of the fruit of that tree. In fact, he did taste of extra-large portions in abundance.

And yea, he found that it was delicious to the taste and very desirable. And yea, then it came to pass that flattopSF realized with a surety that Mormon doG was a goddamned liar, for in that very first taste he knew there was nothing wrong with the gay existence of flattopSF.

Life became worth living. And let me tell you, it's been good. I have been blessed beyond my dreams. But one day...:

One day in 2001 I was on the phone with my mother and had just run down the list of the Mormons’ anti-gay campaigns across the nation...Alaska, Hawai'i, Vermont, and California, with Proposition 22—the “Knight Initiative”. I spelled out how much of her tithing money it had cost.

She said: "That is a lie."

I said: "Excuse me, did you just call me a liar?"

The phone got real quiet for about a minute.

She said: "Yes. That is a lie."

I said: "That's the second time in my life you've called me a liar. It just proves the right hand doesn’t know what the left hand is up to, doesn't it? I didn't know you were in the habit of reading the investigative articles in the San Francisco and Los Angeles newspapers [she lives in the Midwest]."

She said: "I'm not and I don't need to, to know what I know. I don't believe they're doing what you said they did. You're just making these things up to start fights with us whenever you call. They got up in church and read a statement telling us that we should love our homosexual family members."

I said: "Since when do you need permission from your church to love your own son?"

I knew then my mother had abandoned her son for her church. A couple of months later I received an extremely manipulative 12-page letter from her, and never heard from her again.

I was done with that.

I'm worth more than that.

8^D

Ed. Created by Kerry Rutz.

Part 1/4: flattopSF’s Top Ten Super-Gay Reasons He’s Not A Mormon Anymore

1. Does anything they believe make any sense? Fourteen-year-old sees doG the Father, Jeebus H. Christ, and Casper the Holy Ghost? Riiiiiiiight. Eternal Polygamy Math, anyone? 1+ 34 = Prophet! (And Mormons accuse teh gheyz of being promiscuous?!? Sheesh!) Here’s some Free Agency: I want some of whatever Smith was smokin’. It musta been good.

2. God? doG? Either way you look at “him,” anything that demands THAT much devotion from you and gives absolutely nothing back is seriously dysfunctional. See a psychologist and learn to develop REAL relationships.

3. Because who needs to live their life according to what some pathetic bigoted murderous old redneck corporate thugs 1,500 miles away dictate? Shove a cricket-choked seagull up your collective puckers, @$$-holy-O douchebags.

4. Because there are a lot of better things to do with 10% of your hard-earned income. Shopping and lunch, anyone?

5. Because let's face it: churchchurchchurchchurchchurchchurchchurch seven days a week is not only mind-numbingly boring, it leaves you no time to have a life. When do they even have time to fuckin' fuck and make all those kids?

6. Because those temple clothes are a really big fashion don’t. Really. Big. Faux Greek Baker meets Fig Leaf? It looks Too-pud on thin people and it looks Poppin’ Fresh on tubby ones. Eew. If that's the celestial garb, send me to hell now. I'll take a stark-naked real-live Greek any day of the week, thanks.

7. Because any group of people who would censor a Rodin sculpture and call it pornographic are uncultured rubes at best and idiot hillbilly philistines at worst.

8. Because Mormon women are simply way too conflicted to mold into adequate fag-hags.

9. Because Mormon men are so infected with the Power of their Holey Penishood that they‘re knuckle-draggingly unattractive in every way. (OMG, how superficial was that?)

10. Because I'm gay. If that ain't good enough for them, well too fuckin’ bad.

Fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly,
flattopSF loves another gay man, no lie.
Won‘t stop lovin’ that man o‘ mine.

8^D

Ed. Created by Kerry Rutz.